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Funny Short Sayings

Sit comfortably, have a cup of coffee in your hand and be ready for journey, the journey of funny short sayings. Unlike other journey which consists of some degree of tiredness, this journey will provide you with giggles, chuckles, laughter, fun and humor. When you came back from this journey, you’ll feel refreshed, lightened and ecstatic.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

You’re just 18 with (?) year’s experience.

Funny how the new things are the old things.
Rudyard Kipling

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
Sarah Brown

My Nuts are Ok.

A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
George Eliot

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
Oscar Wilde

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks

I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no.  Source

Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you forget the question.

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
Harry S. Truman.

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
Benjamin Franklin

I do all of my own nude scenes.

So, when is the wizard getting back to you with the brain.

I do what the voices in my pant tell me to do.

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
Mae West

I tried paying my bills with a smile. They wanted money.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W.C. Fields

Truth is Aristocratic, It never follows. It should be followed.

The poor wish to be rich. The rich wish to be happy. The happy wish to be married. The married wish to be dead.
Ann Landers

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
Woody Allen

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

You are so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn’t come back to you!

As a matter of fact, I am a rocket scientist.

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
Joe Namath

The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Edwin Arlington Robinson

Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.
Thomas Edison


  1. health they say is wealth, i'd prefer to see it in CASH

  2. I like cheese but cheese likes u

  3. stupid people say what

  4. WARNING: i am naked under my clothes!!

  5. Some people say bite me.I say "I'll bite you"

  6. some people just need a high-five
    in the face
    with a chair

    1. True. That like my boyfriend

  7. where there's will, there's a way,
    where there is no way, there's a bull

  8. if you're not happy, get lost!

    i'm dead dead dead, put me in a coffin!

    wherever u go i go, whatever u do i do, wherever u r, i r? say what?

    finding u, is a finding NEMO!

    if they say "HI", then answer them "HELLO".

  9. Did you hear what i said.....I heard what i said... i was standing here when i said it.

  10. I hear voices in my head...and they say they don't like you.


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Funny One Liners

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When God asks what you’ve done with your life, try not to say “Didn’t you read my statuses?”

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Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.

I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days.

I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
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One day before exam, I become the most religious person in the WORLD!!

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.

Only the good die young. So most of us are pretty safe.

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.

Candy Is dandy, But liquor is quicker.
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Friends Sayings

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Cute Sayings

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