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Funny Short Sayings

Sit comfortably, have a cup of coffee in your hand and be ready for journey, the journey of funny short sayings. Unlike other journey which consists of some degree of tiredness, this journey will provide you with giggles, chuckles, laughter, fun and humor. When you came back from this journey, you’ll feel refreshed, lightened and ecstatic.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

You’re just 18 with (?) year’s experience.

Funny how the new things are the old things.
Rudyard Kipling

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
Sarah Brown

My Nuts are Ok.

A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
George Eliot

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
Oscar Wilde

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks

I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no.  Source

Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you forget the question.

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
Harry S. Truman.

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
Benjamin Franklin

I do all of my own nude scenes.

So, when is the wizard getting back to you with the brain.

I do what the voices in my pant tell me to do.

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
Mae West

I tried paying my bills with a smile. They wanted money.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W.C. Fields

Truth is Aristocratic, It never follows. It should be followed.

The poor wish to be rich. The rich wish to be happy. The happy wish to be married. The married wish to be dead.
Ann Landers

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
Woody Allen

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

You are so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn’t come back to you!

As a matter of fact, I am a rocket scientist.

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
Joe Namath

The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Edwin Arlington Robinson

Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.
Thomas Edison


  1. health they say is wealth, i'd prefer to see it in CASH

  2. I like cheese but cheese likes u

  3. stupid people say what

  4. WARNING: i am naked under my clothes!!

  5. Some people say bite me.I say "I'll bite you"

  6. some people just need a high-five
    in the face
    with a chair

    1. True. That like my boyfriend

  7. where there's will, there's a way,
    where there is no way, there's a bull

  8. if you're not happy, get lost!

    i'm dead dead dead, put me in a coffin!

    wherever u go i go, whatever u do i do, wherever u r, i r? say what?

    finding u, is a finding NEMO!

    if they say "HI", then answer them "HELLO".

  9. Did you hear what i said.....I heard what i said... i was standing here when i said it.

  10. I hear voices in my head...and they say they don't like you.


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You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
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Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn't want to know? Anyhow, I'm busting for a pee.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both partiesget what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

Wi-fi went down for five minutes, So I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people. :)

College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
Robert Frost

It's funny how most activists are pacifists.
Craig Bruce

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Steven Wright

Newton’s third law of love: For every Idiot, there is an equal and opposite Gender Idiot!

Funny One Liners

That's the secret to life… replace one worry with another.

When God asks what you’ve done with your life, try not to say “Didn’t you read my statuses?”

Always believe in God. Because there are some questions that even Google can't answer.

Face down, ass up, that s the way we............ tie our shoes!

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.

I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days.

I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
Mega Jones

One day before exam, I become the most religious person in the WORLD!!

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.

Only the good die young. So most of us are pretty safe.

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.

Candy Is dandy, But liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash

I swear to DRUNK, I am not GOD.

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Friends Sayings

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. ---Sicilian Proverb A Friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway!!! ---- Author Unknown Best friends listen to what you don't. It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. ---John Dryden If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. ----Edgar Watson Howe If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them. I'd be at the bottom to catch them. Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. ---Plautus Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. ~Oprah Winfrey Friends are the flowers in the garden of life! The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley There are big ships and small ships. B…

Wise Sayings

Beauty is truth, truth beauty" - that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. ----John Keats Simplicity and straight forwardness and not intelligence, lead to happiness. The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart. ---Benjamin Franklin Don’t show attitude… I have one of my own… The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open. Never move an old boundary mark that your ancestors established. Keep the gains of the post generation safely and pass them to our
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and caliber. . A single moment of understanding can flood a whole life with meaning. ----Unknown Author You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull I would not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum. ~Frances Willard Try to hide bad qualities of others. …