Skip to main content

Funny Sayings Page 16

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
William Clayton

The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist.
Unknown

I love gentiles. In fact, on of my favorite activities is Protestant spotting.
Mel Brooks

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain. And most do.

John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike
Sam Kinison

Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much. You’re not that good.

I’m always looking for meaningful one night stands.
Dudley Moore

How do you know you're really ugly? Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.

Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
Mark Twain

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

One can’t complain. I have my friends. Why, someone spoke to me only yesterday.
Eeyore

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn’t read.
Unknown

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

If you’re afraid of loneliness, don’t marry.
Anton Chekov

I like children – fried.
WC Fields

If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
Bill Clinton

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Robert Bloch

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.
Oscar Wilde

Really fighting the urge to put my head on my desk & taking a power nap.

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.
Kin Hubbard

I am short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
Woody Allen

I pee in the shower.

It’s our duty to kick your booty.

We must hang together, or surely we shall hang separately.
Benjamin Franklin

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

My body is a temple where junk food goes to worship.

The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey.

I am surrounded by Idiots.

Comments

  1. yeah eeyore! ever the optimist

    ReplyDelete
  2. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist.
    Unknown"

    And the fact that some pretend to understand you can make u rich as hell :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. If you have to tell someone to go to hell, tell them in such a way that they pack for the trip.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Funny Sayings Page 1

I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
Unknown

Feel free to use anything, except my spouse & my toothbrush...I mean it about the toothbrush. Source : Humorous Funny Sayings

Please be patient. Even a toilet can handle only one asshole at a time.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
Homer Simpson  

Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn't want to know? Anyhow, I'm busting for a pee.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both partiesget what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Unknown

Wi-fi went down for five minutes, So I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people. :)

College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
Robert Frost

It's funny how most activists are pacifists.
Craig Bruce

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Steven Wright

Newton’s third law of love: For every Idiot, there is an equal and opposite Gender Idiot!
Ano…

Funny One Liners

That's the secret to life… replace one worry with another.

When God asks what you’ve done with your life, try not to say “Didn’t you read my statuses?”

Always believe in God. Because there are some questions that even Google can't answer.

Face down, ass up, that s the way we............ tie our shoes!

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.

I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days.

I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
Mega Jones

One day before exam, I become the most religious person in the WORLD!!

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.

Only the good die young. So most of us are pretty safe.

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.

Candy Is dandy, But liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash

I swear to DRUNK, I am not GOD.

Marriage is not a word...is a sentence.    source: funnyquotes4u.net

Love is like a Rhino, short-sighted, but always will…

Funny Sayings About Old Age

I guess I don’t mind so much being old, as I mind being fat and old. - Peter Gabriel Don’t worry about avoiding temptation – as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.
~Author Unknown
I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know? -Barry Cryer Growing old is like...
Being increasingly penalized ,
For a crime you have not committed!
Anthony Powell
I’m not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You’re as old as you feel. ~Elizabeth ArdenWe don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. ~George Bernard ShawLife is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. --- George Burns Old age is when you keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons.
- Lillian Carter
I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not …

Wise Sayings

Beauty is truth, truth beauty" - that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. ----John Keats Simplicity and straight forwardness and not intelligence, lead to happiness. The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart. ---Benjamin Franklin Don’t show attitude… I have one of my own… The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open. Never move an old boundary mark that your ancestors established. Keep the gains of the post generation safely and pass them to our
future generation with useful addition by using best of our knowledge
and caliber. . A single moment of understanding can flood a whole life with meaning. ----Unknown Author You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull I would not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum. ~Frances Willard Try to hide bad qualities of others. …

Funny Short Sayings

Sit comfortably, have a cup of coffee in your hand and be ready for journey, the journey of funny short sayings. Unlike other journey which consists of some degree of tiredness, this journey will provide you with giggles, chuckles, laughter, fun and humor. When you came back from this journey, you’ll feel refreshed, lightened and ecstatic.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

You’re just 18 with (?) year’s experience.

Funny how the new things are the old things.
Rudyard Kipling

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
Sarah Brown

My Nuts are Ok.

A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
George Eliot

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
Oscar Wilde

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks

I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no.  Source

Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a…