Smart Sayings

• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

• Take my advice — I'm not using it.

• Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

• I make progress by having people around me who are smarter than I am and listening to them. And I assume that everyone is smarter about something than I am. ----Henry J. Kaiser

• The glass is neither half full nor half empty. The size of the glass could be more appropriate.

• When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president. I'm beginning to believe it.

• When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' --Don Marquis

• In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

• Time does'nt exist. Clocks exists.

• I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?

• Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

• Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

• A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

• It is not that I trust you. It is because I am lazy.

• The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

• I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

• Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

• When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

• Wherever smart people work, doors are unlocked. --- Steve Wozniak

• People who are smart get into Mensa. People who are really smart look around and leave. - James Randi

• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

• If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

• An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
  Niels Bohr

• I’m a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
  Thomas Jefferson

• The good times of today, are the sad thoughts of tomorrow. ---Bob Marley
  

• He who can, does – He who cannot, teaches.
  George Bernard Shaw