Skip to main content

Smart Sayings

  • I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  • Take my advice — I'm not using it.

  • Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

  • I make progress by having people around me who are smarter than I am and listening to them. And I assume that everyone is smarter about something than I am. ----Henry J. Kaiser

  • The glass is neither half full nor half empty. The size of the glass could be more appropriate.

  • When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president. I'm beginning to believe it.

  • When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' --Don Marquis

  • In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

  • Time does'nt exist. Clocks exists.

  • I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?

  • Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

  • Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

  • A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  • It is not that I trust you. It is because I am lazy.

  • The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

  • I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

  • Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

  • When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  • Wherever smart people work, doors are unlocked. --- Steve Wozniak

  • People who are smart get into Mensa. People who are really smart look around and leave. - James Randi

  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

  • If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

  • An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
    Niels Bohr

  • I’m a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
    Thomas Jefferson

  • The good times of today, are the sad thoughts of tomorrow. ---Bob Marley

  • He who can, does – He who cannot, teaches.
    George Bernard Shaw

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Funny Sayings Page 1

I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
Unknown

Feel free to use anything, except my spouse & my toothbrush...I mean it about the toothbrush. Source : Humorous Funny Sayings

Please be patient. Even a toilet can handle only one asshole at a time.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
Homer Simpson  

Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn't want to know? Anyhow, I'm busting for a pee.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both partiesget what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Unknown

Wi-fi went down for five minutes, So I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people. :)

College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
Robert Frost

It's funny how most activists are pacifists.
Craig Bruce

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Steven Wright

Newton’s third law of love: For every Idiot, there is an equal and opposite Gender Idiot!
Ano…
124 comments
Read more

Funny One Liners

That's the secret to life… replace one worry with another.

When God asks what you’ve done with your life, try not to say “Didn’t you read my statuses?”

Always believe in God. Because there are some questions that even Google can't answer.

Face down, ass up, that s the way we............ tie our shoes!

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.

I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days.

I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
Mega Jones

One day before exam, I become the most religious person in the WORLD!!

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.

Only the good die young. So most of us are pretty safe.

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.

Candy Is dandy, But liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash

I swear to DRUNK, I am not GOD.

Marriage is not a word...is a sentence.    source: funnyquotes4u.net

Love is like a Rhino, short-sighted, but always will…
10 comments
Read more

Friends Sayings

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. ---Sicilian Proverb A Friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway!!! ---- Author Unknown Best friends listen to what you don't. It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. ---John Dryden If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. ----Edgar Watson Howe If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them. I'd be at the bottom to catch them. Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. ---Plautus Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. ~Oprah Winfrey Friends are the flowers in the garden of life! The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley There are big ships and small ships. B…
6 comments
Read more

Cute Sayings

If you love someone tell them, because hearts are often broken bywords left unspoken. Suicide is away of telling God, You can’t fire me I quit !!!!! Life is tough, get a helmet Love those who love you forget those who forget you. A mother’s love will never end. It is there from beginning to end. If love isn’t a game, then why are there so many players ? I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world! Count your age with friends but not with years. Boys are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken. Sometimes, a cute friend makes an acutely painful enemy. ---Unknown When all you think about is your one and only, you’ve found your only one. You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? Life is a garden, Good friends are the flowers and time spent together... life's happiest hours and friendships like flowers, blooms ever more fair... when carefully tended by dear friends …
9 comments
Read more

Funny Sayings Page 18

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
Lao Tsu

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the Prices of new car.

When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.
Blair Sabol

I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.
Jeff Foxworthy

I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

If guilty pleasures are so guilty then why do they feel so darn innocent.

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?
Mark Twain


I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
Homer J. Simpson

I don’t want to die, but I am not keen on living either.

What do toilets and refrigerators have in common? They both know how to hold a load of crap.

If you want to see a co…
6 comments
Read more