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Funny Sayings Page 17

There is nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.
George Burns

Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart.
Zig Ziglar

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.
Mel Brooks

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett

I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.
Bernard Manning

You are a leaf that doesn't know it is part of a tree.

If you woke up today, congratulations! You have another chance.
Unknown

Excuses are like asses everyone’s got them and they all stink.

It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow then to spend tonight like there’s no money.
P.J. Rourke

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
Mahatma Gandhi

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

I don't suffer fools, and I like to see fools suffer.
Florence King

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W.C. Fields

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I Am The Cold Shiver Running Down Your Spine.

I think a girl can be feminine even if she’s an athlete. You just can’t be afraid to get dirty.
Dana Hill

You can only take out of a bag what was already in it.
Unknown

I have so much to do…that I am going to bed.
French Proverb

If a man tells a woman she’s beautiful she’ll overlook most of his other lies.
Unknown

I either Get what I want or I change my mind.
Anonymous

Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others can’t keep it from themselves. Unknown

Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
Walter Winchell

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
Unknown

The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.
Roseanne Barr

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
Woody Allen

Hi ! My NAme is TROUBLE.

If one were to take the bible seriously one would go mad. But to take the bible seriously, one must be already mad.    Aleister Crowley


I can resist everything except temptation.

I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Today, if you're not an alcoholic, you're nobody.

To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.

YOur PrETTY FacE is GOinG tO hELL!

Bend over, I'll show you.

Computer dating is fine, If you’re a computer that is.

There are two great secrets to success in life. The first is to not tell everything you know.

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  1. Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.

    ReplyDelete

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Funny Sayings Page 1

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College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
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It's funny how most activists are pacifists.
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Funny One Liners

That's the secret to life… replace one worry with another.

When God asks what you’ve done with your life, try not to say “Didn’t you read my statuses?”

Always believe in God. Because there are some questions that even Google can't answer.

Face down, ass up, that s the way we............ tie our shoes!

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.

I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days.

I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
Mega Jones

One day before exam, I become the most religious person in the WORLD!!

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.

Only the good die young. So most of us are pretty safe.

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.

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I swear to DRUNK, I am not GOD.

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Friends Sayings

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Cute Sayings

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Funny Sayings Page 18

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
Lao Tsu

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the Prices of new car.

When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.
Blair Sabol

I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.
Jeff Foxworthy

I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

If guilty pleasures are so guilty then why do they feel so darn innocent.

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
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Mark Twain


I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
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I don’t want to die, but I am not keen on living either.

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