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Funny Sayings Page 7

  • I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  • Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
  • A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. ~Jack Benny
  • When you ASSUME you make an A-S-S out of U and Me.
  • A little Madness in the Spring Is wholesome even for the King. - Emily Dickinson
  • Computer programmers don't byte They nibble a bit.
  • People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
  • Failure is the mother of success.
  • May those who love us love us,
    and those who do not love us,
    may God turn their hearts,
    and if He cannot turn their hearts
    may He turn their ankles
    that we may know them by their limping.
  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
    Larry
  • I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, "No thanks -- I'm not going that far."
    Steven Wright
  • Everyone's entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the priviledge.
  • Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
    Jim Barkus
  • No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
  • When I'm really hot, I can walk into a room and if a man doesn't look at me, he's probably gay.
    Kathleen Turner
  • To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.
  • I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
    Woody Allen
  • “Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!
  • All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts. —-William Shakespeare
  • There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast. —-Helen Rowland
  • The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
  • Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

Comments

  1. "When you ASSUME you make an A-S-S out of U and Me."
    I first heard that in 8 Simple Rules :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. i like this one..

    "if it weren't for elecrticity, we'd all be watching TV by candle light."

    and...

    "im the kinda girl to laugh at something that happened.... yesterday"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love is like a booger. U keep pickin at it until u got it n when u do u dnt kno wat 2 do with it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. love is like a train if you dont fit dont insist your self..theres another train comming

    ReplyDelete
  5. when life hands you lemons, ask for salt and vodka.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I stepped on a cornflake today so now i am a cereal killer.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "sales man" have you found spots on an arm lately. well its mine can i have it back

    ReplyDelete
  8. ha ha ha ha ha ha is all i can say.

    ReplyDelete
  9. hekhekhekhek!!!
    i think i broke my laugh box?!
    awesome!

    ReplyDelete

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