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Funny Sayings Page 3

  • I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler
  • Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ~Colin Sautar
  • To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the project manager, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
  • The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost
  • The most important thing is not to stop questioning. - Albert Einstein
  • Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others. -----Confucius
  • You are a time millionaire - for a rich life invest wisely. (Richard Andrews
  • You may have DIALOG or MOBITEL connection, but when you sneeze, all you say is "HUTCH"
  • You can find tea in a tea cup.. but cannot find world in a world cup.
  • Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker. - Anonymous
  • That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
  • Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
    Benny Hill
  • A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick.
    Ogden Nash
  • Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
    B. Johnson
  • We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
    Henny Youngman 


  1. my imagenary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

  2. Where theres a winner, theres a looser.

  3. It's better to give than to sell.

  4. There are three types of people in the world......those who can count and those who can't.

    Like many woman my age, I am 28 years old.

    Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

    For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

    Birthdays are good for you. Statistics ahow that the people who have the most live the longest.

  5. CATfucious say dog run in front of car get tired doggy run in back of car get exhausted either way doggy stupid

  6. No Strings attached .No holds barred. Come get some.

    Dhananjay Pendse

  7. if i was a bird i know who i'd shit on first.

  8. Never take life to seriously... your not getting out of it alive

  9. 5 facts
    1. There are more boys than girls in the world

    2. People will always be human... won't they?

    3. It is impossible to lick your index finger while looking up

    4. You just tried number 3

    5. You are laughing at number 4

  10. There are two types of people in this world. Those who pick their nose in public, and those who pick their nose in public and lie about it.

  11. There are 2 cows in a pasture.
    One says to the other, "You know, although pi is abbreviated to the first 2 decimals, it actually goes on to infinity. It is also used in most circle equations, and it a very prominent discovery in math."
    The second cow turns to the first and says, "Moo."


  12. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30 in the morning... can u believe that 2.30am! Lucky for him i was still up playing my Bagpipes

  13. yesterday never happened
    tomorrow will never come,
    and today will never end

    there are 10 types of people in the world, those that can count in binary, and those that cant.

  14. im a very unhappy person, this comment makes me wanna fart in your mouth..... Love, Bertha Gargantua yeahh buster approve the comment or DIE Love, Bertha Gargantua (your ex-wife) i kinda miss you :8) RAWRR you make me wanna suck my toenail, cut it off then give it to you in a cocktail too bad i can't frink yet ohhhh well.. woops ment drink Love ya Deito in a speedo ! yourr handi-crapped..


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Funny Sayings Page 1

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Please be patient. Even a toilet can handle only one asshole at a time.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
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Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn't want to know? Anyhow, I'm busting for a pee.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both partiesget what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

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College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
Robert Frost

It's funny how most activists are pacifists.
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When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Steven Wright

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Funny One Liners

That's the secret to life… replace one worry with another.

When God asks what you’ve done with your life, try not to say “Didn’t you read my statuses?”

Always believe in God. Because there are some questions that even Google can't answer.

Face down, ass up, that s the way we............ tie our shoes!

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.

I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days.

I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
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One day before exam, I become the most religious person in the WORLD!!

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.

Only the good die young. So most of us are pretty safe.

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.

Candy Is dandy, But liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash

I swear to DRUNK, I am not GOD.

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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

You’re just 18 with (?) year’s experience.

Funny how the new things are the old things.
Rudyard Kipling

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
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My Nuts are Ok.

A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
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I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

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Funny Sayings Page 18

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
Lao Tsu

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the Prices of new car.

When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.
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I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

If guilty pleasures are so guilty then why do they feel so darn innocent.

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I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
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