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Funny Sayings Page 14

  • A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. ---Burt Bacharach
  • An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.
  • I've seen better hands on a clock
  • This guy is all foam, no beer.
  • A psychiatrist is a person who will give you
    expensive answers that your
    wife will give you for free. ---Anonymous
  • Snowflakes are some of nature's most fragile things, but just look what happens when they stick together.
  • I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown
  • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. - Anonymous
  • Scientists have proven that it's impossible to long-jump 30 feet, but I don't listen to that kind of talk. Thoughts like that have a way of sinking into your feet. ----Carl Lewis
  • I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care.
  • Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. ----Robert A. Heinlein
  • My Anger Management Class Pisses Me Off.
  • The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?
  • Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
  • Chuck Norris is so tough that when he gets drunk he doesn’t throw up, he throws down.
  • I have a few multi-million dollar ideas that I can get started on right now. But I just don’t feel like it.
  • It was a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her. - W.C. Fields
  • I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me! Henny Youngman
  • It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
  • Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the
    hope of pulling out an eel.
    Leonardo Di Vinci.
  • Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.
    Minnie Pearl
  • Marriage isn’t supposed to make you happy. it’s supposed to make you married.
    Frank Pittman
  • When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
  • Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare. —- Ed Asner
  • Babies are such a nice way to start people. —- Don Herrold


  1. I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care.
    now, there's a saying I can relate to!

  2. if you want breakfast in bed - sleep in the kitchen!
    A Germishuizen

  3. pls post more funny saying. its good to view :D thanks

  4. Ooo! What about: 'I swear to drunk I'm not God.'

  5. these were great:)
    funny to:)
    keep up the good work;)
    plz posst more?
    love KASSI-D<3:)

  6. Correction: •A friend will help you move. A very good friend will help you move a dead body.

  7. "Why should i pay you? I'm more interesting than you!" You should be paying me! - Christopher Walken to his psychiatris.

  8. "Sure, FEW lives will be saved...but MILLIONS will be late!" - Homer Simpsons on 40km Speed rules

  9. I'd rather be tethered to a cows tail and scuttered to death - Irish saying

  10. ''to start, press any key''. WHERE IS THE 'ANY' KEY? Homer S

  11. They should have LIKE buttons on these things :D

  12. I don't know where the hell the key is ! this makes Bertha sad :9 iom a pig and when i sad i nipp Pooppp i miss garty the gardener he loved me so much and gave me carrots like every day and gave me crickets for my pet dragon named drago im creative my mum says


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Friends Sayings

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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

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