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Funny Sayings Page 12

  • The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
  • An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
  • The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
  • I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.
  • In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads. - Unknown
  • I want to die like my grandfather- asleep, not like the passengers in his car, screaming!
  • A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. -----Robert Frost
  • Everyone gets butterflies - the trick is getting them to fly in formation.
  • There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
  • I'm normal. It's everyone else that's weird.
  • You can study and get any certificates.. but you cannot get your own death certificate.
  • Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
  • I don't have hot flashes I have shore private vacations in the tropics.
  • My husband and I fell in love at first sight... maybe I should have taken a second look. ----Crimes and Misdemeanors
  • Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
  • We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
  • A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch. Hermione Gingold
  • I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with. Rodney Dangerfield
  • Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.------ Colonel Gerald Wellman
  • Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
    Ray Romano
  • You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
  • The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
  • No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. —Abraham Lincoln
  • Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly.
  • I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • We got no food, no jobs… our PET’S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!”
  • Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.

Comments

  1. These sayings are SO funny! Please post more!

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahaha, FUNNY.....I get the point

    ReplyDelete
  3. i've got a qoute form my friend "life is a river it runs freely and brings life to those who refresh themselves in it......till some bum goes and takes an aqua dump in it"

    ReplyDelete
  4. very funny!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh yeah, gr8 jokes, please keep them coming.
    -Peace

    ReplyDelete
  6. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH............. aLRIGHT i'M DONE!! OH WAIT,... NOPE!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...... OH, YEAH, GOOD JOKES 2! WHERE WAS I??????????? oH YES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHXX100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000... :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. Look god! I'm a good father, I work hard, i take care of my family, i love my children...so why do i have to go to church on a weekend and telling me how terrible i've been?" Homer Simpsons

    ReplyDelete
  8. the only event wch belongs to u but u can nevr celebrate is ur death annivrsry

    ReplyDelete

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