Funny Sayings and Quotes

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.

A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.

He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. -----Mae West

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace.

Gandhi bhi chala gaya, nehru bhi mar gaya, subhash bose ka bhi kuchh
pata nahi, aur meri bhi tabiyat thik nahi hai.... pata nahi desh ka ab
kya hoga.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns

Zindagi mein teen cheezen kabhi bhi aa sakti hain..... PAISA.....
MAUT..... Aur..... Aur..... Mera SMS !

Unhe yeh Shikwa hai ki HUM unhe Yaad karte hi nahi, Par unhe ye kaun
Samjaye ki Hum unhe Yaad Kaise kare Jinhe HUM Bhulte hi nahi.

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. - John Gotti

We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Don't Hate Me Because You Ain't Me.

Always put your smile on. People will assume you are a crazy person and won’t mess with you.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket put all of then in the fridge they will last longer.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Draft beer, not people. Unknown

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. — Napoleon Bonaparte

I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me. ---Unknown

What is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing.

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ---Sacha Guitry

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh… you simply look hot to me.

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like ? ~ Jean Cocturan