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Funny Sayings Page 11

  • Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.
  • A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
  • He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.
  • I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. -----Mae West
  • Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
  • I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
  • The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace.
  • Gandhi bhi chala gaya, nehru bhi mar gaya, subhash bose ka bhi kuchh
    pata nahi, aur meri bhi tabiyat thik nahi hai.... pata nahi desh ka ab
    kya hoga.
  • It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns
  • Zindagi mein teen cheezen kabhi bhi aa sakti hain..... PAISA.....
    MAUT..... Aur..... Aur..... Mera SMS !
  • Unhe yeh Shikwa hai ki HUM unhe Yaad karte hi nahi, Par unhe ye kaun
    Samjaye ki Hum unhe Yaad Kaise kare Jinhe HUM Bhulte hi nahi.
  • If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. - John Gotti
  • We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
  • Don't Hate Me Because You Ain't Me.
  • Always put your smile on. People will assume you are a crazy person and won’t mess with you.
  • Don’t put all your eggs in one basket put all of then in the fridge they will last longer.
  • It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
  • Draft beer, not people. Unknown
  • Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. — Napoleon Bonaparte
  • I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me. ---Unknown
  • What is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing.
  • The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  • When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ---Sacha Guitry
  • Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
  • How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh… you simply look hot to me.
  • We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like ? ~ Jean Cocturan
  • I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

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Funny Sayings Page 1

I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
Unknown

Feel free to use anything, except my spouse & my toothbrush...I mean it about the toothbrush. Source : Humorous Funny Sayings

Please be patient. Even a toilet can handle only one asshole at a time.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
Homer Simpson  

Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn't want to know? Anyhow, I'm busting for a pee.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both partiesget what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Unknown

Wi-fi went down for five minutes, So I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people. :)

College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
Robert Frost

It's funny how most activists are pacifists.
Craig Bruce

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Steven Wright

Newton’s third law of love: For every Idiot, there is an equal and opposite Gender Idiot!
Ano…

Funny One Liners

That's the secret to life… replace one worry with another.

When God asks what you’ve done with your life, try not to say “Didn’t you read my statuses?”

Always believe in God. Because there are some questions that even Google can't answer.

Face down, ass up, that s the way we............ tie our shoes!

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.

I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days.

I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
Mega Jones

One day before exam, I become the most religious person in the WORLD!!

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.

Only the good die young. So most of us are pretty safe.

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.

Candy Is dandy, But liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash

I swear to DRUNK, I am not GOD.

Marriage is not a word...is a sentence.    source: funnyquotes4u.net

Love is like a Rhino, short-sighted, but always will…

Funny Sayings About Old Age

I guess I don’t mind so much being old, as I mind being fat and old. - Peter Gabriel Don’t worry about avoiding temptation – as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.
~Author Unknown
I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know? -Barry Cryer Growing old is like...
Being increasingly penalized ,
For a crime you have not committed!
Anthony Powell
I’m not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You’re as old as you feel. ~Elizabeth ArdenWe don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. ~George Bernard ShawLife is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. --- George Burns Old age is when you keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons.
- Lillian Carter
I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not …

Wise Sayings

Beauty is truth, truth beauty" - that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. ----John Keats Simplicity and straight forwardness and not intelligence, lead to happiness. The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart. ---Benjamin Franklin Don’t show attitude… I have one of my own… The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open. Never move an old boundary mark that your ancestors established. Keep the gains of the post generation safely and pass them to our
future generation with useful addition by using best of our knowledge
and caliber. . A single moment of understanding can flood a whole life with meaning. ----Unknown Author You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull I would not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum. ~Frances Willard Try to hide bad qualities of others. …

Funny Short Sayings

Sit comfortably, have a cup of coffee in your hand and be ready for journey, the journey of funny short sayings. Unlike other journey which consists of some degree of tiredness, this journey will provide you with giggles, chuckles, laughter, fun and humor. When you came back from this journey, you’ll feel refreshed, lightened and ecstatic.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

You’re just 18 with (?) year’s experience.

Funny how the new things are the old things.
Rudyard Kipling

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
Sarah Brown

My Nuts are Ok.

A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
George Eliot

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
Oscar Wilde

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks

I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no.  Source

Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a…