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Funny Sayings Page 9

  • Ah know what a bagel is, but what kind of dog is a lox?
  • Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning. --- George W Bush
  • In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. --- Woody Allen
  • Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. ----Woody Allen
  • Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
  • I’m Out Of My Mind Feel Free To Leave A Message.
  • I Don’t Know Karate But I Do Know Krazy And I Am Not Afraid To Use It
  • When a thing has been said and well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it.----- - Anatole France
  • She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits
  • I swear to drunk I'm not God.
  • I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
  • If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while." - Joseph Schenck
  • It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. ~ Laurence J Peter
  • Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow. Glen Beaman
  • My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe
  • Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. ---Sharon Stone
  • Blessed is he who sits on a pin, for he will rise again.
  • I haven't lost my's backed up on a DVD somewhere
  • They say love is a two-way street. But I don't believe it, because the one I've been on for the last two years was a dirt road. ---Terry McMillan
  • Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
  • I am not young enough to know everything. ----JM Barrie
  • Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Do Own The Whole Damn Road!
  • The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.
  • My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner
  • When I was a student, teacher used to bunk the class.
  • By the time you read this you’ve already read it.
  • It’s an unfair life. So many girls, so little time.
  • My girlfriend says I need to be more affectionate…..So now I’ve got two girlfriends.
  • May your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders. ---Anonymous


  1. heres one
    "Physical abilty doesn't compensate for mental incompetence."

  2. this is a J.L.Moran orriginal, don't talk to strangers..... yell at them it's more fun!

  3. Here's a GOOD one

    I'm so afraid that i will meet God one day, and he'll sneeze and i won't know what to say!

  4. OMG, the fifth quote.. Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police is awesome.

  5. Here's one, "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried."

  6. here's two: The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his and the second one is a groucho marx:I dont care for clubs that would accept me as a member....oh wait i have 3(groucho marx again):i must confess, i was born at a very early age. thats it

  7. “The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.”General George S. Patton



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