Funny Sayings Page 1 ~ Funny Sayings, Funny Quotes, Phrases about Life [Best, Famous, Hilarious]

Funny Sayings Page 1

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Funny Quotes and sayings- Whenever you feel sad, gloomy or lonely, read the following famous funny sayings. I am certain after reading these funny quotes you will smile out loud, all your worries and stress wiil vanish and You'll feel happy and ecstatic. I have collected these great funny sayings from various resources including various websites on internet, books, newspapers etc. I hope you'll Enjoy 'em.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day. He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.

Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'

You can't have everything....where would you put it?

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Mark Twain

If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one.

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.
Lord Byron

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

It a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
W. Sommerset Morgan

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
Robert Frost

It's funny how most activists are pacifists.
Craig Bruce

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Steven Wright

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
Homer Simpson

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx

If you can’t live without me, Why aren’t you dead yet?

Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
Anonymous

I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.
Ken Dodd

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
J.B. Morton

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink. Anonymous

I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself.
Henry David Thoreau

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!
Eddie Murphy, Shrek

I found a great way to attract money... work!
Curtis D. Tucker

Death is a once in a lifetime experience.

Man has his will, but woman has her way.
Holmes

If life is a bowl of cherries, why am I stuck with the pits?

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

I am in my own little world but it's okay they know me here.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad cheque.

Finally things will start clicking…your elbow, knees and back!

Where there are no swamps there are no frogs.
German Proverb


Don't forget to leave your comment about these Funny Quotes and Sayings in the comment section below.

101 Comments:

Christopher said...

Really funny funny. Love them all. Let them keep coming

Carly said...

Really funny! Please post more!

maria said...

These are not that funny

ravi said...

Ya..,these are good...

gogreen3789 said...

Haha, these are funny it really made me giggle...unlike any other joke I've heard lately..:)

kangvans said...

Nice, post more!

vijender said...

gud ones..

Ladybug said...

OMG thats like so awesome!!!!!!keep sending more

smalltimer said...

haha :) i was lonely. brought a smile on my face ^_^

smalltimer said...

i was lonely. brought a smile on my face ^_^

Anonymous said...

Really nice quotes...keeping posting more

Anonymous said...

hhhhmmmmm

Nonathevampire said...

aww these are good :o)

Anonymous said...

I only liked the one about the optimist. The others I didn't find humerous.

Anonymous said...

Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?

Anonymous said...

some of them rnt really funny but some are and at least ur trying so just work harder =} thnx

Anonymous said...

very nice..please post more quotes

Anonymous said...

hhaha love the army one ...they shud tell that to every dump kid that wants to join
bt then agen hel prob like the idea

Anonymous said...

I LIKE PIE....... OH AND ASLO THESE SAYINGS THEY R GOOD....... BUT STILL NOT AS GOOD AS PIE!!!!




I DO LIKE PIE

Anonymous said...

Really interesting.

POLYMORPHIA said...

cool sayings!!!!

Anonymous said...

i really luved them, keep up the good work :)

Anonymous said...

The Army one is in poor taste

Anonymous said...

hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

This is good stuff, keep it coming...

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but not that funny...

Anonymous said...

yeh man that was good stuff..

tanner s said...

wow thats funny i like the army one

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha! These are hilarious!

Anonymous said...

i like the one in the comments about the birthday cake really funny and the optimist the others are ok:)!!!!keep up the good work!:)!

Anonymous said...

Thanks! Those are great!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious..........funny but carrying deep sense.
Inshort well job done,thx for such a post.

carsonc38 said...

haha! awesome! post some more! I check every day for new ones.. :)

lifester said...

yea funnaayy

Anonymous said...

you're all gay, go get a life

Anonymous said...

you're all f***ed in the head go get a life.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

hello everybody any chicks here! :)

Anonymous said...

Great, I liked the one about compromise.

Anonymous said...

haha, helped my boredom, keep 'em coming.

Jonny said...

some people are like slinkies.... good for nothing but brings a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs....

Anonymous said...

lol great sayings... I got a couple...
Im not as think as you confused i am... And... You sense no make.

mary said...

Very good sayings. Please add some more. Thank you

George said...

Here's one I come up with when my brother came back from college......."The price to pay for intelligence, is common sense."

Shane P. said...

What would happen if I hired 2 private investigators to follow each other???

Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

Was learning cursive really neccesary?

Thats enough, Nickleback.

I'm always slightly terrified when Word asks me if I want to "save changes" to my 15 page research paper that I swear I didn't make any changes to.

Shane P. said...

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Anonymous said...

haha i got one... friends are like potatos... if you eat them they die... hehe :) also girls are like phones... they like to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong button you get disconnected...

Anonymous said...

To the Anonymous who said:
"I only liked the one about the optimist. The others I didn't find humerous"

That's funny, I liked them all except that one.

stellalingmaris said...

They are indeed funny; Keep them coming
After reading your funny sayings; I have also one to share;


A DAY IS LOST; IF ONE HAS NOT LAUGHED
(french saying)

Anonymous said...

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Anonymous said...

Insanity is not an illness its a way of life.

I do not suffer from madness I enjoy every minute of it.


10. " I like nonsense; it wakens up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope and that enables you to laugh at life's realities."

I like the quotes keep them coming

MM

Anonymous said...

reading these make you feel good makes your day keep them coming

Samantha said...

haha these sayings are hilarious but i dont think they should use such big words,

raman said...

good job man..... really good.....

Anonymous said...

Life is like a bowl of Jello. It is very loud when you use a straw.

Anonymous said...

These werent even that funny.. there were like 2 or 3 funny ones?!?! TRY HARDER

samiam said...

awww, their all not that bad.. I liked the 'girls are like phones' one, even though I am a girl :P

how about this one..
"Why do they say the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon??"

Anita said...

Good ones!!!! Keep them coming!

Anonymous said...

hahaha they're really great

heartbreakerninja said...

nice these are amazing how about this one

to get the attintion of a bull headed person you should speek softly but carry a big stick

Anonymous said...

I've heard better

Anonymous said...

this was okay but not so funny at all, in fact kinda stupid actually... really stupid!

Anonymous said...

dont go to sleep angry, plot your revenge :D

Anonymous said...

No one will ever win the battle of the sexes, there is too much fraternizing with the enemy.

Anonymous said...

jeesh some people are just so harsh. really funny by the way!!

Anonymous said...

really helpful to avoid sad feelings----gohar

Anonymous said...

Funnily there are no (famous) W. Sommerset Morgan. There used to be a very well-known author by the name of W. Sommerset Maugham. Two clicks and you'd found him on the Internet.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH............. aLRIGHT i'M DONE!! OH WAIT,... NOPE!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...... OH, YEAH, GOOD JOKES 2! WHERE WAS I??????????? oH YES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHXX100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000... :D

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, gr8 jokes, please keep them coming.
-Peace

Anonymous said...

Lolz.
Heres one I thinks good

~ If Barbie is so populaire, then why do you have to buy her two friends???

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed them, keep them coming.

Anonymous said...

love them!!!!!!!

Amy said...

really like the saying, dont mind what the critics think they just jealus. loved em! thx for making my day a bit better!

AA :)

Anonymous said...

It is better to fart and feel the shame than hold and feel the pain..:-)

Anonymous said...

old african saying - he who stands in the shadow of an elephant won't get sunburn....tink a'bout it

damien said...

those made me smile..how fast is the Dark..lol

Anonymous said...

Hi,
Nice collection.

Anonymous said...

Dark cannot be fast, dark is a concept of something having no light. With out light us humans are blind. If you see something and its not a light source its a reflection of a light source think about it.

Anonymous said...

Hey dude sum ppl r fags here! U got hilarous ones! Love them! Hehee I got 2!. -crowded elevators smell dfferent to midgets- and -when no one is looking I google myself thanks for making my day! Stupid fags on here SHUT THE FU** UP!

Anonymous said...

:)

sunshinelollipopgeiger said...

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Anonymous said...

ive got a qoute form my friend "life is a river it runs freely and brings life to those who refresh themselves in it......till some bum goes and takes an aqua dump in it"

Fawx said...

very funny!! :D

Matthew said...

A pessmist sees the toilet as half full.

Kasabigirl said...

I want a flamethrower......becuse I don't think I should have to get that close to somebody to light them on fire.........

Dealing with politics is kinda like shearing pigs......there's a whole lot of wiggling and squealing...but very little wool...


Given enough coffee......I could rule the world!


People are like slinkies......they don't do much, but it's kinda fun to watch when you push them down stairs...


Thirty days have September, April, June, and November...all the rest are thirsty too, Unless you make your own home brew.


Sometimes I lay awake at night and ask myself, "What am I doing here?"......then this voice comes to me and says "Well...right now you are laying awake and asking yourself stupid questions..."

Knapple said...

My dad thought of this one : "I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"

It's really funny!

Anonymous said...

Practice makes perfect.....But nobody's perfect......so why practice?

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Save water. Shower with your girl friend.

naiz said...

hahaha, FUNNY.....I get the point

Anonymous said...

hahahaha..hehehe... I jst cant stop laughing haha its really funny ..post more please!!

chiel said...

love it.
super cute and nice.
its really funny

Anonymous said...

JB.
She was shaking like a dog shitting razor blades.

NUGGABE said...

these were great:)
funny to:)
keep up the good work;)
plz posst more?
thanks<3
love KASSI-D<3:)

Shriya said...

I really liked the "If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side" quote, it was funny AND inspiring- keep up the awesome work!

Anonymous said...

FunnY qUotes..KEEp posting GuyZzzz...i Want mOre qUotes..they're reaLLy nice....

Harpreet said...

"How is your wife getting along on her reducing diet?" "Fine. She vanished last night....... :)

Anonymous said...

When life gives you lemons, you only make lemonade if you are thirsty!

These were great!!!!

Nikunj said...

keep up the good work man

bunnie818 said...

Ooo! What about: 'I swear to drunk I'm not God.'

Anonymous said...

amazing quote , i wish dis quotes list are updated evry day...wud love to read more of them

Anonymous said...

Some original one liners ... Quite liked it. Don't worry about the idiots man they cant come up with better. Tx

Anonymous said...

when life gives u lemons make orange juice, and let the world wonder how the hell u did it

Anonymous said...

the best one was "join the army..." all are very good..funny...

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