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Showing posts from January, 2009

Funny Get Well Sayings

What could be better way than fun and humor to cheer up ill person? Here’s a collection of some funny get well sayings to wish your under the weather buddy a speedy recovery.
A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness. ~Ellie Katz Theirs nothing i can say that a Hallmark card couldnt say much better.It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class. ~Author UnknownEnduring habits I hate.... Yes, at the very bottom of my soul I feel grateful to all my misery and bouts of sickness and everything about me that is imperfect, because this sort of thing leaves me with a hundred backdoors through which I can escape from enduring habits. ~Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science, 1882Hope that each day finds you feeling more and more like your wonderful self!Happy HealingAnd when the disciples saw it, they marvel…

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing :

either the car is new or the wife. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning. ----John Barrymore I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. Hey, the way I figure it is this: if the kids are still alive by the time my husband comes home, I've done my job. When in doubt, tell the truth. ---Mark Twain I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.Always make stupid moves, it confuses your opponent. Life is Hard... That's why people invented the pillow Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. ---Groucho Marx We have found that it's much easier to restrain our wrath when the other fellow is bigger than we are. ---Anon…

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A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. ---Burt Bacharach An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body. I've seen better hands on a clock This guy is all foam, no beer. A psychiatrist is a person who will give you
expensive answers that your
wife will give you for free. ---Anonymous Snowflakes are some of nature's most fragile things, but just look what happens when they stick together. I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. - Anonymous Scientists have proven that it's impossible to long-jump 30 feet, but I don't listen to that kind of talk. Thoughts like that have a way of sinking into your feet. ----Carl Lewis I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care.Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get…

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Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. I reckon being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work till one is better. ~Samuel Butler, Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they think laughable. -----Johann Wolfgang Von She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs As worn out as a cucumber in a convent. There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and. -Brad Ramsey I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -----Mae West The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with. When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.Date a …

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The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first. I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads. - Unknown I want to die like my grandfather- asleep, not like the passengers in his car, screaming! A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. -----Robert Frost Everyone gets butterflies - the trick is getting them to fly in formation. There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. I'm normal. It's everyone else that's weird. You can study…

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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity. A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged. I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. -----Mae West Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace. Gandhi bhi chala gaya, nehru bhi mar gaya, subhash bose ka bhi kuchh
pata nahi, aur meri bhi tabiyat thik nahi hai.... pata nahi desh ka ab
kya hoga. It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns Zindagi mein teen cheezen kabhi bhi aa sakti hain..... PAISA.....
MAUT.....…

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don't look at me in that tone of voice.He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants. ---Chuck Tanner Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles. --- Unknown I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.” ---- Oscar Wilde I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted - George Best Of all days, the day on which one has not laughed is the one most surely wasted. ----S├ębastien Roch Nicolas Chamfort A smile starts on the lips, A grin spreads to the eyes, A chuckle comes from the belly; But a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, Overflows, and bubbles all around. -----Carolyn Birmingham I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. Nobody ever died of laughter. ---- Max Beerbohm Laughter is a medicine with no side effects. Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there a…

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Ah know what a bagel is, but what kind of dog is a lox? Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning. --- George W Bush In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. --- Woody Allen Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. ----Woody Allen Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police. I’m Out Of My Mind Feel Free To Leave A Message.I Don’t Know Karate But I Do Know Krazy And I Am Not Afraid To Use It When a thing has been said and well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it.----- - Anatole France She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits I swear to drunk I'm not God.I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back. If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while." - Joseph SchenckIt's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. ~ Laurence J Pe…

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I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. ~Jack Benny When you ASSUME you make an A-S-S out of U and Me. A little Madness in the Spring Is wholesome even for the King. - Emily Dickinson Computer programmers don't byte They nibble a bit. People like you are the reason people like me need medication. Failure is the mother of success. May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Larry I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, "No thanks -- I'm not going that far."…

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Laugh often, Dream big, Reach for the stars! A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns. A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.- Buster Keaton Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.- Unknown Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? ----Groucho Marx I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack. I'm attempting to construct a mnemonic memory circuit, using stone knives and bear…